With or Without You
by N. Forest
Summary: Elrond and his sons are returning from seeing Celebrían off to the Undying lands. They're pretty downcast and nothing Legolas does seems to be helping. Written from the Teitho challenge, "Mothers"


**Title: **With or Without You

**Author: **N_Forest

**Rating:** K+

**Author's Note: **Thanks to Xandra for betaing!

Two figures emerged from the thick morning mist surrounding Rivendell. They rode slowly, side by side, dark expressions on their faces, staring unseeing at the building ahead of them. It seemed as if there was nothing left, every reason to live had disappeared. The fire within their souls had been extinguished, perhaps forever.

A figure looked out the window on the second floor of the main building of the Last Homely House. His face broke into a smile as he saw his friends approaching. He'd arrived a week earlier and had been quite disappointed when he'd discovered those that he'd come to visit had left and no one knew when they were returning, or even why they had left.

"Mellon nîn!" Legolas was in the courtyard when the horses bearing Elladan and Elrohir finally came to a stop in front of the stables. "I'm very glad to see you. I was worried you weren't going to arrive before I had to leave again."

Elladan shrugged off the arm Legolas tried to place around his shoulder. Both of the twins ignored the blond elf as they removed the tack from their horses and rubbed them down. Legolas chittered and chattered enough for all three of them and didn't seem to notice that no one was paying him any attention.

Finally, with the horses properly cared for, the twins proceeded to leave the stables and entered the house through a back entrance. They walked up the stairs and stopped outside of Elladan's room. Elrohir's chamber was next door and Legolas was staying across the hall in his usual guest room. His things were all over Rivendell after the week he'd spent there and usually he left a stack of his things in Rivendell after each visit.

"Legolas, please." Elrohir said. His voice was hoarse and cracked when he spoke. Legolas looked puzzled, it sounded as if his friend were about to burst into tears. "I need some time with Elladan. I'm sorry." He looked away and put a hand up to his face before fleeing into the darkness of Elladan's room.

Elladan bit his lip and looked at his friend. "I'm sorry Legolas. It's hard for all of us. I've got some herbs that will help. Would you mind watching out for Adar? He should be arriving in a few hours, he wasn't that far behind us." He put a hand on the blond elf's shoulder before slipping into his room and closing the door behind him.

Elrohir was collapsed on the floor. His damp clothes stuck to his body and made him an even sadder and more pitiful sight than he actually was. "Come on now." Elladan pulled him to his feet and bit hard on his lip to stop his own tears from spilling out. ""Let's get into some dry clothes. Take a quick bath."

Elrohir didn't protest as his older brother pulled him into the wash-room and helped him remove his wet clothing. They climbed in the tub once it was full of hot water and after washing himself, Elladan took care of his brother, the salt water of his tears mixing with the water in the bath.

As the water began to grow cool, the twins climbed out and Elladan wrapped a towel around himself as he got Elrohir into nightclothes before braiding his hair. He got him tucked into his own bed, underneath the warm blankets before slipping back into the wash-room to prepare himself for bed, or resting at the very least.

The room warmed up as Elladan added another log to the fire to get it to the right temperature for boiling water. He filled a kettle and placed it on the pole made just for that purpose. As he waited for the water to boil, he neatened up the room and hung out the wet clothes to dry.

Once the water began to boil and the herbs were added to steep and make tea, Elladan slipped out of his bedroom and down to the kitchens. The entire house was very quiet and was missing its usual feel of home. Elladan shivered even though he wasn't cold and gathered up a loaf of normal bread and two bowls of thick soup before returning to his slightly less intimidating room.

Elrohir was still awake and lying on the bed, tears pouring from his eyes as he looked up at the ceiling but not truly seeing anything that was in front of him. His eyes, along with his mind were in another place.

Elladan poured the tea into cups and added a few more herbs to the water in the pot. He crossed the floor and pressed the warm mug into Elrohir's hand. "Drink this please Elrohir. She would not want you to be ruined. There is eternity ahead of us. We shall see her again. Let the thought comfort you." That was the only way he was dealing with his own grief.

A sob that sounded a bit like a hiccup came from Elrohir before he took a small sip of his tea. His body no longer wanted to cry, he was starting to lose more water than he could. He sat up in Elladan's bed, resting against the headboard as he sipped his tea and took slow, deep breaths, calming himself down.

Elladan ran his fingers over his brother's hand. "It will be all right, you'll see. We have to learn to live. It will be hard and different, but there's no other choice." He swallowed the last of his tea and handed his brother one of the bowls of soup and half the loaf of bread. "I didn't want to bother the cooks so I just took what I could find from the kitchens."

Elrohir nodded and took a few bites. Every bite tasted bitter and after two mouthfuls he set aside the bowl. "Thank you Elladan. I'm not hungry now." He laid back under the covers and turned on his side, away from his brother.

Neither twin spoke as Elrohir pretended to sleep. Elladan finished his food and watched his brother with a sad expression on his face. He missed her warm arms greatly and already he could feel the memories of her face and smell slipping from his eyes. He touched Elrohir's shoulder for a moment before gathering up the dirty dishes and slipping out of the room. But instead of going downstairs to the kitchen, he walked down the wall to his parents rooms. Of course they were only his Adar's rooms now.

The door was unlocked and Elladan pushed it open, slipping inside and striding quickly to the desk in the corner. A small portrait of the entire family sat upon it and he took it tightly in his hands. The beautiful face of his mother hurt his eyes. Her smiling face seemed taunting and cruel, reminding him of what he could not have. It hurt deep in his chest. His heart pounded and he wanted to rip it from his chest, saving himself from more pain.

Elladan hurtled the portrait at the wall. She was gone from his life. He remembered the words she'd whispered in his ear when he was young. _It's all right, I'm here now. Mum's here El, everything is alright. Please, shhh._ She would smile and hold him close.

"It's not true any more." Elladan said out loud, it was hard enough to say the words, harder to actually believe them. "She didn't love us. She didn't love me or Elrohir or Ada. If she did, she would still be here."

Elladan spun on his heel, there had been a noise behind him. One that was barely perceptible by elven ears. The sound of cloth brushing on cloth and of footsteps on the stairs. _Ada's home, joy. Now he can join us in our sadness. After all, he knew her even longer and she was his soul mate, his one and only._

Elladan crossed the room and picked out the portrait he'd thrown and the clothes it had landed on. Underneath the painting was a robe and it wasn't one of his father's. He pressed the sweet smelling cloth to his face and sank to his knees, remembering the scent of his mother. The way she liked to braid flowers into her own hair and Arwen's and how she'd down it to her sons before they started protesting too loudly.

The door opened, banging closed behind Elrond as he walked across the floor, more loudly than usual and sunk onto his bed. His eyes were closed as he leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. He looked completely and utterly defeated.

The door opened again and Legolas entered the room and crossing the floor to stand in front of Elrond. There was a confused look upon his face and he looked at the Elf Lord as if something very wrong was taking place. Like a mass wave of insanity had affected both Elrond and his twin sons.

"Lord Elrond, Elladan told me to watch out for you, to look out the great windows for your arrival. What task is it you have come from that pains you so? What has happened here, in Imladris? This is not Mirkwood, to be filled with such constant sadness, pain and fear. What terrible event has taken place?"

Elrond opened his mouth and simply choked on his own sobs, no words emerging from his mouth. Elladan stood up from his hiding place beyond the bed, the robe of his mother's still clutched in his hand. He didn't know if he could even say the words himself. But he found the strength somewhere, voiced the thoughts somehow.

"She has sailed."

A frown crossed Legolas' face before he nearly broke into tears as well. "I. . . I apologise for my behaviour earlier. I was horribly insensitive. Please, excuse my rudeness." He looked at the floor, finding it unbearable to meet his friend's eyes.

"I want to be alone." Elrond said, finally breaking the silence. Legolas left, quickly and quietly, in a moment it seemed as if he'd never been there. "Alone means alone, Elladan. I can still see you there."

Elladan didn't answer immediately. He opened his father's wardrobe and removed a sleep robe. "Come on Ada. Get out of your wet clothes and go to bed. The pain is numbed some then." He swallowed thickly, holding out the garment.

Elrond stood up, his eyes flashing angrily. "No Elladan, the pain is not numbed. It will never, ever disappear. I love her with all my heart, all of my soul. There is no part of me that is not truly and completely devoted to her. There will never be a time when the pain is less. You want me to sleep? I will dream of her. I see her face in every window, I hear her voice around every corner. She is gone and it was her choice to leave me here, alone. I have been abandoned by my soul mate, there is no peace for me."

Elladan watched as his father collapsed back onto his bed, swinging his legs up and curling into a sobbing ball that was wet from both the tears and rain. "I'm sorry." He whispered, knowing that it wouldn't do any good.

He dropped the sleep robe next to his father and left the room, returning to his own bedroom when Elrohir was still sleeping peacefully.

"I swear I'll kill all the orcs in Middle-Earth if that's what it takes to avenge you." Elladan whispered to the small, smiling, painted face of his mother.


End file.
